This damn blog

I’ve had this blog for almost a decade and I love it so damn much and I don’t spend nearly enough time on it. #Sorrynotsorry to write one of those posts in which I reflect on blogging but I wanted to invite you into my brain spiral that leads to my writer’s block with the goal to hopefully spend more time creating and less time spiralling. Keep reading if you want to hear my anxiety screed. 

Why I love blogging 

My favourite thing about this website is that I own it. I own every word I’ve written on here. I don’t own anything I post on social media and wouldn’t own anything that was published on someone else’s website. It’s very cool that I can pay some money for a domain and a WordPress account and the content is mine. I also like the format a lot. I like that a blog post can be 200 or 1200 words, that I can write a reflection, a listicle, a review, or a roundup of photos. It’s a fun way to communicate. 

Why I hate blogging 

Seriously WTF has happened to blogging in the last 10 years? I used to read my WordPress reader and my Twitter feed and Bloglovin (lol), and inhale articles written by my favourite bloggers about books, jeans, makeup, parenthood and travel. Then, gradually and suddenly everything became Instagram. Photography “performed” better than writing so it was prioritized and the Instagram aesthetic exploded. Now of course everything is TikTok and to be a blogger you’re supposed to be really great at creating video content. WTF happened?! 

None of this works for me. While I’ve dabbled in photo and video for fun, my outlet of choice is the written word. I have no interest in moving my blog posts to Instagram captions because, as I mentioned, I like owning what I write. I’ve been so confused about the shift to keep people’s attention and eyeballs rather than continue to stick to one form of communication. Am I the only person who feels this way? Do I sound like I’m a million years old? 

Why does any of this matter? 

Why am I even thinking about what other bloggers are doing? I should just focus on my own shit and keep writing on my lil website. Well, a major part of my personal and professional brand since my twenties has been “keeping up” with culture and trends and social media so I’ve felt this pressure to create content in a way that follows trends or be ahead of those trends or even set those trends and dear lord WHY. I’m a writer. That is my outlet of choice. I’m in my mid-thirties now, I can retire from trying to keep up.

Welcome to my brain spiral 

So, for the last several years, rather than sitting down and writing my thoughts and posting them and sharing them I’ve done nothing. OK I haven’t done nothing, you can see there are blog posts on here, but I’ve gotten into a terrible habit of getting a blog post draft 70% complete and then abandoning it because it feels “pointless” (was there ever a fucking point to me blogging I thought it was supposed to be fun?!), because everything is Instagram and TikTok now anyway so why would I try to write? It’s a really fun and silly cycle. It makes it feel like every blog post is a massive slog because I waste brainpower on whether or not I even “should” be writing or if this the “right” way to communicate online that I run out of steam to write anything at all. 

I don’t care about monetization 

I recognize that the shift from the traditional blog format to social media has been driven by capitalism. A few bloggers figured out how to be influencers and they did so by keeping their followers’ attention and then advertising to those followers. I have tremendous respect for a lot of influencers to be honest. Content creation is hard, and many creators are posting multiple times a day on multiple platforms to ensure they don’t lose followers and can keep getting brand partnerships. I don’t envy the work that goes into that and I think influencers are undervalued and made fun of because it is majority women’s work and that is a feature of the patriarchy. 

Having said that, I’ve never made a dime off of any of my blogs and I’ve never wanted to. But the fact that my blog doesn’t make me any money contributes to my brain spiral and leads me to writing paralysis. 

I don’t care if “blogging is dead” 

First of all, I’m so sick of hearing that blogging is dead because “Gen Z doesn’t read blogs”. Gen Z is not my audience, I don’t know who my audience is and to be honest I’ve hardly thought of it. Any time I’ve tried to think of a target audience, or niche down, or create a content strategy for this space I’ve come to hate it. And why on Earth would I have a blog if I hate blogging? No one is asking me to write, it’s purely for me, and the 12 of you who will read this. (Hi! Thank you for reading! Love you!)

Capitalism ruins everything 

The idea that any hobby is pointless unless it’s monetized is completely driven by capitalism and drives me absolutely bananas. I love to write, I need to write, and I’ll continue to write on my little corner of the internet as long as I can prevent all of the spiraling thoughts from keeping me away from it. 

Thank you for making it this far. I promise future posts will be more interesting. I just had to get this bullshit off my chest. 

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